(17.01.2018 // notes)
“Write it down, how you got here.
So you would, and in writing it down you realize, love is not a tragedy or a failure, but a gift.
You remember your first love because they show you, prove to you, that you can love and be loved, that nothing in this world is deserved except for love, that love is both how you become a person and why.
But you don’t know any of that yet. We squeeze his hand. He squeezes back. You stare up at the same sky together, and after a while he says, I have to go, and you say, Good-bye, and he says, Good-bye, Aza, and no one ever says good-bye unless they want to see you again.” – John Green (Turtles All The Way Down)
I wrote to him today. My head is fuzzy and my eyes are so teary and my heart aches but I’m so happy for him, I don’t know if I could ever not be. I hope everything is gonna be how he hopes for it to be – and then at the same time not, because that would be a bit too boring to him. I hope he’ll have amazing adventures and days filled with good food and sunny weather and wonderful people.
I think he was the first person I was really in love with and part of me feels like I will always be a little bit but that’s okay. We’re okay now, we’re fine. We left each other with love. For each other and for this world.